January 2012
1/29/12 Log 29: Decisions
[[MORE]]My love life seems to be becoming stale. My girlfriend didn’t ignore me on purpose or anything. She didn’t even notice. When I mentioned it, she just questioned it with a huh? She naturally ignored me for a while. That’s kinda when I realized she doesn’t actually care for me that much. Again. I had to realize that truth 20 times in the past 5 months. I’m...
1/28/12 Log 28: Dreams
[[MORE]]My friend had the weirdest fucking dream. We’ll call him Ez. Ez and Colin are close friends. You remember Colin? From the ski trip? Anyways, he and Colin were on the bus to school. In first period, Ez hear zombies and races towards the cooking class in a nearby hallway to find Colin. From there, they go downstairs and find me and Steve. We run back upstairs and to the cafeteria. For...
1/27/12 Log 27: Fact of the matter
[[MORE]]I’m just not sure anymore. She’s just not worth it maybe. I mean if she really cared, wouldn’t she be trying harder? Wouldn’t she be doing her best like I do for her? I’m not saying she doesn’t try…ok, I kinda am. But fact of the matter: I don’t think she is. I’m putting my whole heart out there for her and seeing what I can find in...
1/26/12 Log 26: Tuckered out
[[MORE]]Nothing really seems of good use to speak of today. I don’t exactly feel like talking about feelings or other shit going through my life. But I guess I’ll name a few. It’s a log. I’d be pissed to look back and see that it wasn’t.
Classes are average. I like my new ones. AP can get sweet and sour. Sour just because of the grades I get. I swear I’m better...
1/25/12 Log 25: New Semester
[[MORE]]Well, its a new semester now. New subjects: English and Chemistry. I feel kinda different now. I know the dangers and how I need to work efficiently now. It’s all 100% right now. I can’t do anything to mess it up this time. Right now, I’m doing all my homework as soon as I get home instead of 10 at night. I feel like I have so much more free time when the homework is all...
1/24/12 Log 24: What I Needed
[[MORE]]So after the small little date dilemma I had going on, I was a bit diminished at noon time yesterday. I had no school, so I was chilling at home and playing some League of Legends with some friends of mine. Then the most amazing thing happened mid-game. My phone rang.
FUCK. Mid-game? Serious? Cut my skype call, muted my computer, called sorry, went afk, fucked up the game. We would of won...
1/23/12 Log 23: Walls
[[MORE]]I awkwardly talked to my girlfriend again today. Texting only. I called her last night to see if I could talk about the date, but she didn’t pick up. She said she didn’t see the notification until 10 that night. So whatev. We discuss the date. She’s still not sure, and wants to know the time and place for it all. I say dinner and a movie Feb 11th, which is the Saturday...
1/22/12 Log 22: Levels
[[MORE]]My friend recently got a girl. He’s the dude from church that betrayed me once, but is now dedicated to fixing it all up. He’s the dude that also give me advice on women and is there when I need the confidence boost. He’s a regular bro, but better. He’s THE bro. And my bro finally got a girl worth going for. Better yet, its a secret too. Just like mine, except for...
1/21/12 Log 21: Perspective
[[MORE]]Firstly, I’d like to apologize for making these posts so late. I’ve had a lot of things to go over on the weekends so its hard to keep track of it all. Nothing important exactly happened so…another ideological post. Another post about my girlfriend.
I don’t see her perspective of me. I don’t see why she agreed to be with me. I don’t see what she expects...
1/20/12 Log 20: The Lows
[[MORE]]It sucks having bad grades, but it’s one of those moments that you know you can’t sink any lower. And that’s what drives me now. At least it’s hope for the future to come and everything. German final was bad, and Biology was ok? I could have done better though. I might get an A in German but it all depends. I turned in a late assignment but she didn’t mark it...
1/19/12 Log 19: Spaced out
[[MORE]]I really have no idea whats going on in my mind right now. It’s a gigantic mess. I could never sort this all out. I took my final German listening portion of the final exam. Did pretty good I think. The rest of the final will pretty much wreck the rest of the grade, so whatever. My life sucks already, just a little more salt to the wound.
I told my best cousin about this blog. Being...
1/18/12 Log 18: Slow and Painful
[[MORE]]I feel like I’m hitting a huge breaking point. My grades in the crapper. Done. Destroyed. Dream of MIT? Bye bye. Gone. Forever broken. My girlfriend? Quit. Stopped texting me. Stopped trying. Fuck.
I keep getting one or two wrong. It sends me spiraling down. 90%. Huge grade. Wrecks all the homework and projects I’ve done this whole marking period. It dominates the whole...
1/17/12 Log 17: Questions
[[MORE]]I did fine with AP Euro. Thanks to some friends, I think I made it through. Just barely. German however…I studied jack. The sentences were all messed up. I probably got an 80-90%. That’s definitely not the grade I want to see. Perhaps I’ll die a slow and painful death. My GPA is trash. I don’t want to see it ever again. Colleges will slowly pick it apart and make me...
1/16/12 Log 16: Hopeless
[[MORE]]I feel dread. No matter how hard I try, I’m not trying. I keep slacking. I keep dozing off. I keep being the guy I don’t want to sink to. I’m not me.
Suddenly, I’m knees deep in work. The AP Euro test and German final are tomorrow. The German video is also due tomorrow. All require time. All require work. I’m sure to screw up.
All night, I spent studying and...
1/15/12 Log 15: Tiny Steps
[[MORE]]Those first steps are the hardest to take. I want to just edge forward, see how far I can tread until I sink under. I’m trying to push a limit that I think I’ve set. I’m not even sure if it’s there. I’m lost in the dark, waving my hand for support. One step at time, I moved forward. And I think today, I may have grasped my hand on something. This doesn’t...
1/14/12 Log 14: Holy Crap
[[MORE]]I keep procrastinating my posts to the next day. It’s an awful habit, and I’m sorry to anyone that actually follows these postings. Yeah, I need more dedication to this blog.
Hell, I need more dedication to my life choices. I signed up for a lot of things and put so much on my shoulders. I’m slouching it all off, letting it all slide off. School techy, literary magazine,...
1/12/11 Log 12: Oh shit
[[MORE]]Wut? I skipped the 12th of January? Lolwut?
Uhhh….Pancakes. Shiiiiiii-
Crap I forgot a day. This is bad. I don’t know what happened today. I think I just relaxed all day because I had no homework. I did some PSAT prep, really really sucked…I dunno. WHEEEEE
-end log-
Wut?
Back to January (2012)
1/13/12 Log 13: A Slightly Warmer Day
[[MORE]]Maybe my life just kinda sucks in general. That’s probably all my fault. Wut? Oh, I dunno….just thinking randomly here. Sigh….story-time.
Well, life just kinda sucks in general today. Woke up, packed ski stuff for the second trip, go to school, blah blah blah. Boring-as-hell sorta day. Nothing really happened at all except until the end of it.
I had a German essay to...
1/11/12 Log 11: That One Person
[[MORE]]I’ve been racking my brain lately of a lot of distractions. With all the finals for stupid subjects coming up, I really need a break. I honestly can’t even bear to look at my grade online in fear of getting a heart-attack. Legit.
This one thought seems to be the one I always come to first. By the time I think I’ve found the very root of the essence, the mind just kinda...
1/10/12 Log 10: Future
[[MORE]]It’s always been my way to think that I was smart. It never really settled in that I could be normal. I always sorta stuck with me that I was better than everyone in Elementary. But then I kinda slowed down in middle school. Oh well right? Just middle school. It only matters in high school….
Oh wait. Shit. High school. I’m in that now, aren’t I?
My grades are...
1/9/12 Log 9: Consequences
[[MORE]]Small note: I’m seriously late with all these logs. This is the first time a day was two days late. I thought I could handle it, but this’ll be hard. No more. Total focus….
So you know how my dad was extremely mad the other night? Well, I finally figured out what he was rambling on about…consequences.
The next morning, I woke up and came downstairs. I only...
1/8/12 Log 8: Temper
[[MORE]]Yeah, I have a temper. A huge one. Before, it was like the littlest thing would tick me off. Now, I’ve learned the ways of not giving a shit. How to deal with stuff by not caring at all. Every day, not a single fuck given.
I got the temper from my dad. Remember our stubbornness? Try coupling it with our temper issues. Awful, awful times.
I’ve touched on the subject here and...
1/7/12 Log 7: Saying and Acting
[[MORE]]It’s been a while since I talked about my girlfriend. You wanna know why? It’s been a long time since we’ve actually got a decent conversation going. It’s like October and November again. The same dull texts we’ve always had. And I want to call her. So bad. But I never see the opening. It’s awful. Terrible. I just wanna. GAH….I’m losing my...
1/6/12 Log 6: Cold Day
[[MORE]]It was actually pretty damn hot out today. Usually, that was a gift from god during the winter. Today however…I could do without it.
It was in the back of my mind this whole day. From the beginning, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Seeing how my old shoes were dirty, I decided to pack my dirty shoes and wear my nice shoes to school. I could change afterward.
School...
1/5/11 Log 5: Parents
[[MORE]]There is huge variety of parents out there. All different types. In fact, I hate categorizing them in my head sometimes. They’re so random and original in their own ways. But some traits are vague enough to put them into a category. My own are put into a specific list.
Foreign and Strict
I think most people could figure what I’m saying here. I hate being stereotypical, but...
1/4/12 Log 4: Rides
[[MORE]]It took me a while to think of a title for this page. I try to get a title that describes the day or topic in it’s entirety. Maybe even interpret a theme out of it all. There’s a lot of revelations that came over me today.
I wake up. Sleepy. No one waking me up this time, I did it myself. I get ready for school. Go down, preparing to go outside, go outside, realize my bus came...
1/3/12 Log 3: Crappy Grades
[[MORE]]I remember why I hate school. I have to face the constant failure of my past self. Last time, I found out I got a 60% on my AP Calculus test. This time, I found out I got a C on my AP Euro midterm.
I hate my life. I hate the decisions I make. I hate how distracted I am. I hate how unmotivated I am. I hate how this never changes no matter how long and hard I type this over and over again....
1/2/12 Log 2: Breaks
[[MORE]]Parents yelled at me in the morning when I woke up. Got some pancakes. Argued with my parents. Got computer back. Nothing but computer all day. Texted my girlfriend a little. Hating school day tomorrow. Sleep at 10:30. Nothing important.
There’s not a moment that passes that I don’t think “I could be doing something better right now” But those moments make so much...
1/1/12 Log 1: Starting Off
[[MORE]]My first official log ever on this blog. This’ll be fun :)
As the ball dropped, I was finishing off a text to send to my girlfriend. Picked up the wine glass, clinked it with my parents, and finished off my glass of sparkling cider. After that, I went over here to tumblr to round out the edges to my prologue. Had problems with my parents because they wanted me to sleep while I was...
The Past 4 Months (2012)
[[MORE]]
Update #1 (6/23/12): You only need to read the first paragraph. This is just a stupid story about my first girlfriend. The first paragraph describes me as a person though and I’m too lazy to copy and paste it somewhere else. I’m telling you, that first warning is so fucking true.
I’m a dude. I’m 15. I live in the suburbs. I’ve got some awkward friends....
